


no one's gonna stick the pieces together for you

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, Healing, Heart-to-Heart, Illiteracy, Trans Male Character, accelerated healing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-12
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-19 21:11:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5981097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of semi-related oneshots dealing with specific headcanons I have for Uzuamki Naruto. </p><p>(characters tagged as they appear)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the one where naruto is a trans male

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto's got a secret. Not an S-class one, or even a bad one, but it's still a secret he doesn't want people to know. Kakashi steps in to lend a helping hand before he hurts himself trying to keep it hidden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, i love trans headcanons a lot and i love uzumaki naruto a lot so obviously mixing the two together is one of the best things ever.

The first thing Naruto noticed when he woke up was that the bindings were missing from his breasts. He shot up, but immediately regretted it when the sudden movement caused flare of pain from gash down his torso.

“Easy,” Kakashi’s voice came from his side, gentle and a little exasperated. Slowly, he lowered Naruto back down onto his bedroll, keeping a firm hand on Naruto’s shoulder when he tried to sit back up again.

“Are…did they…?” Naruto began, keeping his eyes on the stain in the tent over his sensei’s shoulder rather than meeting his eyes. He didn’t want to have to say it out loud.

“Sakura and Sasuke aren’t here, no,” Kakashi responded. “And no, they didn’t see anything. I told them I couldn’t tend to your wounds if they were hovering over me like paranoid butterflies.”

Naruto snorted.

“Like that bastard would hover over me,” he said, unable to imagine a Sasuke frantic over Naruto’s wounds.

Kakashi rolled his eyes, but didn’t bother arguing. Maybe one day his students would actually wise up and realize they actually cared about each other, but that wasn’t the conversation he needed to have with Naruto today.

“We need to have a talk,” he said instead. Naruto looked up sharply at his sensei’s serious tone, but looked away again a moment later as he guessed what the conversation would be about.

“You’ve been binding your breasts,” Kakashi said. Naruto nodded but continued to not meet his sensei’s eye. “You’ve been binding your breasts with _bandages_ ,” Kakashi stressed, “with _ace bandages_ in particular.”

“So?” Naruto responded, tone hot and defensive.

“ _So_ ,” Kakashi sighed, “it’s one of the most unsafe ways to bind.”

“Whaddya mean?” Naruto scrunched his face up. “They’re just _bandages_.”

“Yes, but ace bandages are meant to compress swelling,” Kakashi said. “Swelling for sprained joints and such. When your chest expands every time you take in a breath, they treat the breaths as swelling and try to compress it.” Naruto’s face was still scrunched up in confusion. “Look, essentially, it can do serious damage in the long run that can affect your career as a shinobi. Major lung damage, misshape your spine, tear your muscles, bruise your ribs - that kind of stuff.”

“Well, what else am I _supposed_ to use?” Naruto asked. "They didn't exactly teach us about this in the Academy."

“A binder,” Kakashi said. “You still shouldn’t wear one for an extended amount of time, but they’re the safest option if you want to continue binding your breasts. I can show you where to buy them when we’re back in Konoha.”

“What the heck’s a _binder?_ ” Naruto asked.

“It’s an undergarment that binds your chest into a shape that more closely resembles pectorals than breasts,” Kakashi replied. “It usually looks like a cropped tank top, and it doesn’t treat each breath you make as swelling that needs to be compressed, so it’s significantly safer.”

“Okay…” Naruto said slowly after a long moment of clearly considering it. “Say, sensei...” he began carefully, “how do you…know so much? About this stuff, I mean, no one else seems to know anything. Jiji never told me the bandages were bad or anything, and neither did Iruka-sensei.”

Kakashi was silent for long enough that Naruto began to feel uncomfortable.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to –“

“No, it’s okay,” Kakashi cut in. He slipped his jounin vest off, then pulled the dark blue shirt underneath up to just below his shoulders.

Underneath his pectorals, Naruto could see two identical white scars. They were unlike all of the other scars that littered his sensei’s skin. These were sharp and symmetrical and clearly done surgically rather than gained in battle.

“You…got the surgery?”

Kakashi nodded.

Naruto sighed, looking off to the side sadly.

“Lucky,” he said, “I can’t even afford the hormones, let alone the full surgery.”

“It’s absurdly expensive,” Kakashi agreed, “it took me several years to save up the money for it.”

Naruto nodded, eyes still distant and full of bitter longing. Kakashi remembered kind eyes the same shade of Naruto’s and a helpful hand, and made a decision.

“Naruto,” he said, “I can’t afford to cover both the hormones and the total cost of surgery for you, but…I can definitely cover the hormones and some of the surgery. If we take enough missions, you could fully transition before you turned sixteen. Would…would you like that?”

Naruto’s eyes went wide, tears brimming at the corners. In the span of a blink, Kakashi found himself with an armful of crying genin.

“ _Thank you_ , Kakashi-sensei, thank you thank you _thank you_ , you’re the best, I love you _so much_ , _thank you -_ ” Naruto sobbed, and Kakashi found himself tearing up despite himself.

“Don’t worry about it,” Kakashi said, giving his student a gentle hug in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, i think kakashi is trans too (though i kinda headcanon him as being dfab agender rather than FtM). also, i couldn't figure out how to fit this in, but i totally think itachi is a dfab trans male too, and it's entirely possible his illness is actually him fucking his lungs up as a result of poor binding practices (as mentioned above) for an extended period of time. it's funny that kishimoto thinks i forgot he accidentally confirmed trans naruhina ;)
> 
> bind safely, kiddos! it can affect your chances to get top surgery later on in life if you're not careful. 
> 
> anyway, the title's from "bite down" by bastille.


	2. the one where he grows back teeth like a goddamn lizard or some shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Kyuubi's healing powers really shouldn't be underestimated.

Sakura hated training spars with her teammates. She loved being a kunoichi, of course, but every time she trained with her teammates, every time she had to actually spar and pit herself against one of them, she was forced to face the harsh reality that she was the physically weakest on her team. Her book smarts meant nothing when she was so easily defeated in taijutsu and had such miniscule chakra reserves, and every one of her weaknesses were made more visible by her teammates’ obvious strengths.

Naruto, for instance, never seemed to run out of energy.

Panting, she knocked out yet another clone only for two more to take its place. Fighting Naruto was like trying to fight the ocean, she thought. He just kept coming at you, wave after orange wave, tireless and never giving up even though Kakashi limited him to no more than three clones at a time during spars.

‘ _Take his punk ass down, shannaro!_ ’ her inner self roared, and in a burst of energy she took down his clones in one move. ‘ _Yeah, get a load of **that** , Sasuke-kun!_’

The real Naruto backed up, hands already moving to make another wave of clones, but Sakura couldn’t afford to let that happen, and darted in quickly, getting past his defense. He blushed, fumbling as her close presence broke his concentration on the battle, and Sakura took advantage of it to aim a kick at his chest, but he brought his hands up to block and her kick ended up hitting higher than she expected.

Her heel connected solidly with his face, landing with a solid _crunch_ that had Naruto backing away with a pained howl.

“Ohmigod!” Sakura gasped, immediately coming up short in her next attack. “Naruto – are you - ?”

“ _Augh_ ,” Naruto groaned, plopping down on the ground to clutch at his face. She stepped forward, then back, hovering over him, unsure of what to do. Kakashi and Sasuke paused in their lesson, noise catching their attention, to come to stand next to her.

“Let me see, Naruto,” Kakashi said, kneeling down next to him.

“Ith – ith fine, Kaka-thenthei,” Naruto protested, voice muffled by his hands.

“You’re not fooling anyone,” Kakashi said, “there’s blood all over your chin. Now, let me see it, okay?” He carefully pulled the boy’s hands from his mouth to assess the damage. Upon seeing his mouth, he winced.

Mouth wounds tended to bleed a lot, so there was blood all over his chin and upper lip and smeared across his teeth. And, well, his teeth…Naruto turned to the side and spit something out, then bared his teeth again for Kakashi’s inspection.

There were two very prominent gaps in Naruto’s snarl, and Kakashi spotted the missing pieces mixed with blood in the dirt next to his feet. Two front teeth – the upper left central incisor and upper left lateral incisor – were missing, knocked out by Sakura’s kick.

Kakashi sighed, picking the teeth up out of the dirt, then fished around in his pouch for some gauze. He cut off a smaller piece and shoved it in Naruto’s mouth.

“Bite down on this until the bleeding stops,” he said, and Naruto gave a muffled noise of reluctant agreement. He turned to Sakura. “I really shouldn’t congratulate you on knocking out your teammate’s teeth, especially since I know it was an accident, but…that kick was in perfect form and had excellent strength behind it, Sakura-chan. Naruto, let this be a lesson not to let pretty girls distract you, especially in the middle of a fight, okay?”

She blushed at the praise, but a mixture of worry and shame she felt dulled the pride she felt.

“Ano…will Naruto be okay, Kakashi-sensei?” she asked.

“Hmph. The dobe will be fine,” Sasuke huffed. “It’s just a few teeth.” Kakashi put a hand over Naruto’s mouth before he could argue with the insult, and gave Sasuke a sharp look.

“Naruto will be fine,” Kakashi said. “Once the bleeding’s stopped, I’ll take him to the hospital. They’ll either put the teeth right back in or make him some replacement teeth. Shinobi get their teeth knocked out in battles all the time, it’s no big deal.”

“Really?” Sakura asked, “How many have you lost, sensei?”

“Eight, but three of them were the same tooth,” he said.

“Is that why you wear a mask?” Sasuke asked with a wry sort of uptick to his mouth that some might've called a grin.

Kakashi didn’t answer, just giving them a vague eye crinkle of a smile instead.

“Let’s take a look at your mouth again, Naruto,” Kakashi said, carefully pulling out the bloodstained gauze. “… _Oh my_.”

That didn’t sound good. Sasuke and Sakura peered over their sensei’s shoulder to see that Naruto’s mouth looked…perfectly fine. In fact, he wasn’t missing any teeth at all, and the only sign that he’d even been hurt in the first place was the blood smeared on his face and the bloodied teeth in Kakashi’s fist. There wasn’t even a bruise.

“What…?” Sakura breathed, confused.

“Huh? What’re you all staring at?” Naruto asked, going cross-eyed like he thought he could see his own teeth if he tried hard enough. “Is it gross?”

“What are you, a goddamn lizard?” Sasuke asked, narrowing his eyes at the suspiciously brand-new teeth.

“Ex _cuse_ me? Teme, you – “ Naruto scrambled to get to his feet, but Kakashi forced him to stay seated.

“Be polite, Sasuke” he said. “And Naruto, calm down. Your teammates are just confused because there’s nothing wrong with your mouth. Nothing wrong at all, in fact – you’re not missing any teeth, even though Sakura just kicked two of them out not even ten minutes ago.”

“Well, yeah,” Naruto said. “I’ve knocked teeth out training before, and they’ve always grown back. Why would this time be any different?”

“You mean this is _normal_ for you?” Sakura asked tentatively. Naruto nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “You mean it’s not for you?”

“You have an advanced healing factor,” Kakashi said. “I noticed when you stabbed yourself with that poisoned kunai back on the way to Wave and it healed in less than a minute, but I didn’t realize it was so strong. Most people don’t have new teeth grow in when their adult teeth are knocked out, Naruto.”

“…Oh.” For some reason, Naruto looked like this was news to him, and not the kind he liked.

“So it’s a bloodline?” Sasuke asked, looking over Naruto with a calculated stare that made him fidget.

“This doesn’t mean you’re invincible,” Kakashi warned, neatly ignoring Sasuke’s question, “but it means you can take more damage than Sasuke and Sakura and still bounce back. Mixed with your endurance and stamina, you could be a real powerhouse with the right taijutsu style.”

“Really?” Naruto asked.

“Yup,” Kakashi nodded. “I have a friend who’s the top taijutsu expert in the village; I’ve been working with him to narrow down the taijutsu styles that would best benefit each of you.”

“Awesome!” Naruto cheered, leaping to his feet. Sakura beamed, and even Sasuke looked interested in learning something new.

“You all need way more conditioning before you’re anywhere near ready to try anything Gai-sensei and I pick out,” Kakashi said. “Back to training, the three of you. Twenty laps around the field, now, and Naruto?” The boy looked over from where he was half a step from starting his laps. “What do you want me to do with your teeth?”

“Throw ‘em out, Kaka-sensei,” Naruto said, “Don’t keep ‘em, that’s gross!” His laughter echoed over his shoulder as he darted off to catch up to Sakura and Sasuke with his laps.

Kakashi looked down at the bloody teeth in his hand. The edges were sharp, as children and puppies’ teeth tended to be, and underneath the blood they were just as dazzlingly white as the rest of Naruto’s beaming smile. Idly, Kakashi wondered how many teeth Naruto had knocked out in his lifetime.

He decided he didn’t want to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, you can't tell me ninja life isn't rough enough that people don't get their teeth knocked out all the time. i just think that a few teeth here and there is no big deal for the great kyuubi no kitsune to grow back every now and then, kinda a la eren jaeger in snk. also there's that uzumaki vitality, but everyone in the naruto-verse is so goddamn evasive telling naruto anything about the clan he's one of the last members of.


	3. the one where his academy education was sabotaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The grand majority of the village hated Naruto for what he was, including shinobi that were supposed to be perfectly logical and capable of understanding how sealing worked. It had a detrimental effect on Naruto's education.

“ _Absolutely atrocious taijutsu_ ,” Naruto’s Academy file read. “ _Kata only barely resemble the proper form._ ” It wasn’t wrong, per say, but the problem with Naruto’s taijutsu laid not with _him_ but rather with the _education_ he’d received.

“Alright, I want you three to run through the Academy Style so I can get a proper idea of your current ability, okay?” Kakashi had asked his team, and they’d complied. Sasuke’s was perfect, as expected, and though Sakura’s lacked any real power, she executed every move with textbook precision.

Naruto, however…

While he kicked and punched at all the right times, his limb placement was all wrong. The angle of his feet was either too wide or two narrow, making his stances weak and easy to break through, and he never held his arms the right distance from his body. His form was sloppy and sure to get him killed if he went up against an enemy ninja.

“Naruto, run through the kata again,” Kakashi said, watching closer. Strangely enough, Naruto made all the same mistakes, his form just as bad before but in the exactly same way. “One more time,” Kakashi ordered.

“ _Haaah?_ ” Naruto whined, “How come Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chan don’t have to do it again?”

“Just do it again, Naruto,” Kakashi said, “I’ll tell you in a second.”

Again, Naruto’s form was identical to the last two times, which left an unpleasant feeling in Kakashi’s stomach. For Naruto to consistently perform his kata in such a poor way meant that it wasn’t that Naruto just couldn’t do the kata, but rather that he’d been taught improper kata and learned them as if they were the correct ones.

“Who taught you taijutsu?” he said at length.

“That Mizuki bastard,” Naruto growled, scowling at the fresh memory of his Academy sensei’s betrayal. “He said I needed extra teaching, but…” he trailed off, realization dawning on his face. “You mean he taught me the _wrong kata?_ ”

“That’s ridiculous,” Sasuke scoffed, “Don’t blame a teacher for your lack of ability.”

“An Academy sensei would never do that!” Sakura added, scandalized.

“Mizuki _hated_ me,” Naruto said bitterly, not meeting his teammate’s eyes.

“Look, we kept it hush-hush,” Kakashi said to Sasuke and Sakura, “but Mizuki was a traitor to Konoha. He tried to abandon the village and steal a very important item from Konoha in the process, so the Sandaime has asked the jounin sensei to check and make sure he didn’t sabotage anyone’s education during his time as an Academy sensei. It seems he sabotaged Naruto’s, however.”

“But…why?” Sakura asked. Mizuki had always seemed like a good person and a good teacher to her, and while Naruto was loud and annoying, that was no reason to sabotage anyone’s _education_.

“A lot of people hate me,” Naruto said, tone rough and a little dark. “Mizuki was just another jerk who wanted me out of his face.” Kakashi let out a quiet sigh, and made a note to talk to Naruto in private about how he was handling Mizuki’s betrayal and the revelation about the Kyuubi. The wounds were still raw, obviously.

“Okay,” Kakashi said, trying to get them back on track before Sakura or Sasuke asked any more dangerous questions. “I have to ask this, now – did Mizuki teach any of you anything one-on-one besides taijutsu? Shuriken, history, jutsu, anything at all?”

Sakura and Sasuke shook their heads, Sasuke rolling his eyes.

Naruto nodded.

“He told me I had to throw all my weapons with my right hand even though I’m left-handed,” he admitted, “and bunshin, but I’ve got that covered now, and…” he trailed off, face flushing a deep red.

“What else, Naruto?” Kakashi asked. He tugged on Kakashi’s sleeve, pulling him down to his level, and whispered something in his ear that Sasuke and Sakura couldn’t hear.

Kakashi’s eye widened, then darkened. He stood upright abruptly.

“Training’s done for the day,” he said, “You’re dismissed. Naruto, you’re coming with me to the Hokage’s office.” He placed a hand on Naruto’s shoulder and the two disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

“I wonder what the last thing was,” Sakura said. “Naruto looked kind of scared, almost.”

“Hn,” Sasuke grunted. “Scared the Hokage will declare him unfit to be a shinobi now, maybe. How he has a hitai-ate at all after he failed the graduation exam is a mystery to me.”

“Yeah,” Sakura agreed, but she wondered. She’d seen Mizuki just a week and a half ago at the graduation exam, but he’d been missing from team assignments three days ago. Team assignments, which Naruto had shown up for with a hitai-ate on his forehead that he definitely hadn’t earned in the exam.

Perhaps…?

 

* * *

 

“Kakashi,” the Sandaime said dryly, dismissing the ANBU that had just finished a mission report with a wave of his hand. “What seems to be the problem today?”

“Mizuki sabotaged Naruto’s education,” Kakashi said right off the bat, tight fury in his voice. The Sandaime sat up straighter, eyes sharpening as he urged Kakashi to continue.

“Sakura and Sasuke are fine as far as I can tell,” Kakashi said, “but he purposefully taught Naruto incorrect kata, forced him to throw weapons with his non-dominant hand, gave him improper instructions for bunshin no jutsu, and Sandaime-sama…he can barely _read_ because Mizuki sabotaged _that_ , too!”

The Sandaime went white.

“He did _what?_ ” he growled, slamming his hands on his desk and surging to his feet. “Cat!” he called, and an ANBU appeared before his desk immediately. “Go fetch Umino Iruka from the Academy and bring him here immediately.” The ANBU saluted, then disappeared.

“Naruto-kun,” the Sandaime said, his tone more gentle as he reigned in his temper. Naruto looked terrified and had flinched at his outburst, which wasn’t the demeanor he needed to have in order to have good dialogue with the young boy. “Please, I need you to explain to me what exactly Mizuki did while teaching you, okay?”

They hadn't put Mizuki to death yet for revealing the truth about the Kyuubi to Naruto, after all. He was still undergoing interrogation to determine just how far back his disloyalty reached, and a little extra torture as punishment for his would hardly be out of line.

 

* * *

 

Naruto wasn’t sure if what he felt was shame or excitement as Iruka-sensei lead him into his apartment.

“Okay,” Iruka-sensei said as they sat down at his kitchen table. “I took the liberty of going through the records to find all your old tests from before I became your homeroom teacher. Sasaki-sensei was your homeroom teacher for your first year, while Mizuki was the assistant teacher for your class your entire time at the Academy.”

Naruto nodded, remembering the cruel indifference of Sasaki-sensei. That asshole had only acknowledged his existence when absolutely necessary, often “forgetting” to pass out enough books or make enough copies of a worksheet for Naruto to get one too.

The only reason he was escaping disciplinary action was that he’d died on a mission a year and a half ago.

“Basically, what I found,” Iruka-sensei continued, “is that whenever you got a handout while they were teaching you guys how to read, your copy was almost always gibberish, or had the questions out of order so your answers would be marked wrong, or the questions were extremely simplified. While everyone else was learning complex sentences and multiple-syllable words, you had worksheets teaching and reteaching you basic sentences and words barely longer than two or three syllables.” He sighed, running a hand over his hair. “On top of all that, they straight up didn’t teach you kanji, which is an essential skill if you want to become Hokage.”

Naruto looked down at the blank lined paper Iruka-sensei had placed before him, silent for a moment as he processed the injustices.

“So, what does that mean?” he asked, the words coming out quieter and more insecure than he’d intended.

“It means we have our work cut out for us,” Iruka-sensei said. When Naruto sagged, he hastened to add, “But it’s not impossible! And look, Naruto,” he said, voice turning soft and gentle, “no matter what other people say about you, no matter what Sasuke calls you – you _are_ smart. You _are_ intelligent.

“You stole a scroll from right under Hokage-sama’s nose and learned a kinjutsu in under five hours that you then used to take down a chunin,” Iruka-sensei continued, leaning over to place a comforting hand on top of Naruto’s. “That’s no ordinary achievement, especially for an Academy student who could barely read. Compared to that, this’ll be a piece of cake.”

Naruto sniffled, a little blown away by the kind words. No one had ever really _cared_ enough to say nice things like that, to say they actually believed in him and his ability to learn. With Academy scores like he had, he hardly blamed them.

But this, this was Iruka-sensei, one of his Most Precious People, not only telling Naruto he believed he could learn how to read properly, but actually putting in the time and effort to make sure it happened.

“Th-thank you, Iruka-sensei!” he sobbed, throwing himself over the table to latch his arms around the surprised chunin in a tight hug. “You’re the best!” he continued when he pulled himself together and settled himself back in his seat, “I promise I’ll work super hard, and, and – and I’ll bet you a week’s worth of ramen that I’ll be all caught up in less than a year!”

Iruka smiled fondly. Naruto would realize soon just how difficult it would be to win his bet, but to voice his thoughts out loud would only be detrimental.

“I’ll take that bet,” he said instead. “Now, let’s start with the kanji alphabet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look, in canon people go on and on about how naruto was the dead last, but we also see in canon that naruto learns amazingly quickly when his teachers pay enough attention to him and his learning needs like teachers are SUPPOSED to do. naruto wanted to be a ninja. he wanted to learn taijutsu, shurikenjutsu, kunai, ninjutsu, etc - these aren't things that he'd skip classes for because he was disinterested. i really don't think it's unreasonable that his education would suffer from lack of proper attention/too much of the wrong kind of attention from more bigoted sensei. 
> 
> anyway i have like?? a side story that happened while i was writing that i'll probably post eventually as an interlude or extra or w/e.


End file.
